


Kirk Learns About Garage Sales

by MASTERDinnerisPrepared



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Banter, Gen, One Shot, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28132014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MASTERDinnerisPrepared/pseuds/MASTERDinnerisPrepared
Summary: Lorelai is having a garage sale and Kirk decides he wants to have one, too. He does Kirk things and chaos ensues.
Kudos: 3





	Kirk Learns About Garage Sales

Lorelai woke up to a car door slamming. She groaned and pulled the covers over her head. It was only 7:00 on Saturday. Saturday’s were for sleeping in! There was a shuffling, then she heard dragging on the front lawn. 

_Weird. Rory wasn’t supposed to start setting up for the garage sale until 8:00._

For somebody who hated mornings, she got out of bed quickly and threw open the curtains to see the commotion. Kirk had five tables set up with various odds and ends from his failed businesses. There were animal and celebrity themed mailboxes, stamp collections, t-shirts he created like “a film by Kirk,” movies from his job at the video rental store, engagement rings, a minotaur suit, and a slew of his own personal belongings. Lorelai gaped, quickly put on a jacket and slippers, and hurried downstairs.

She marched outside with her hands on her hips. “Kirk! What are you doing?”

“Oh, hi, Lorelai. I’m setting up for the garage sale.” He continued setting up the cash box, and organizing items on the table.

“But. But… you're in my yard.” Lorelai followed Kirk as he did various tasks.

“Yes.” He said as if it wasn’t weird that he would have a garage sale in somebody else’s yard.

“Kirk, if you want to have a garage sale, you don’t just set up in someone else’s yard. You set up in your own yard.” He was now taking more things out of his vehicle.

“But you were having a garage sale today.” Kirk looked perplexed. “So, I joined you.”

“Kirk,” Lorelai gently grabbed his arm to stop him. She loved how strange Kirk was, but sometimes he was too much. “You have to ask somebody if you want to join their garage sale. You cannot just come over and assume it is okay.”

Kirk’s face fell and he put down a tote full of wrapping paper. “But how will I sell my things?”

“You will sell your things by having a garage sale on your own lawn.” 

“That would be my mother’s lawn.” 

Lorelai picked up Kirk’s box full of wrapping paper and placed it in his arms. Then she started guiding him toward his vehicle.

“Mother hates it when I make a mess on the front lawn.”

“That’s too bad, Kirk.” It was hard to get rid of a Kirk on a mission. “Have this cleaned up by 8:00, so I have room to sell my own things at my own garage sale.”

Kirk sullenly began packing his things. “Kirk? Did you hear me?”

“Yes.” He said with a sigh. “Can I borrow this for my garage sale?” He held up a price marker.

Lorelai grabbed the price marker from his hand and furiously pointed toward the road as if she was shooing away a dog. “Go!”

“This town just gets less and less friendly.” He said disappointedly.

***

A few hours later, Lorelai was disappointed with the lack of customers. Save for a few old folks who haggled, she wasn’t selling much. She was helping Ms. Patty bring a microwave to her Cadillac when she overheard Babette bragging about a deal she got at another garage sale.

“I bought a coffee maker for just three dollars! Yeah, just over at Kirk’s. Yeah, everything at his sale is cheaper than here.” She shouted.

Lorelai stopped in her tracks. “Babette? What did you say about Kirk?”

“Oh, sorry, Sugar. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She started walking away, her steps quickening.

“Babette!”

Her walking turned to lopsided running. 

“Babette! I’m not chasing you!” Lorelai shouted. She could hear Babette’s huffing and puffing from over 200 feet away.

Lorelai furrowed her brow and marched toward Kirk’s house. He was wearing a visor and had three pens in his collared shirt pocket. A pencil was tucked behind his ear and he carried around a small notepad. Kirk was haggling with an 8-year-old over a _Bop-It._

“Five dollars.”

“Four! This toy is like 20 years old!”

“I’ll have you know that there are other garage salers who’re selling the same _Bop-It_ for six dollars. This is the best deal you'll get.”

When Lorelai stepped foot on his mother’s lawn, his eyes widened and he turned on his heels. 

“Kirk!” Lorelai shouted. Her marching had become more determined. Kirk ran into traffic to get away. Honking and screaming ensued.

“Really?” Lorelai muttered.

With Kirk gone, the kid shrugged, put four dollars on the table, and started to walk off with the _Bop-It._

“Hey, what’s your name?” Lorelai asked.

“Damien.” The kid hiccupped.

“Damien, how would you like to make some money?”

His eyes brightened, and a goofy grin spread across his face. Lorelai wondered where he kept his cartoon hat with the propeller on top.

***

Less than an hour later, Lorelai’s garage sale had taken off. She was selling things like hot cakes, despite having Kirk as competition. It was his turn to stalk over to her house.

“What’s this?” He shouted as he held up a toaster.

“A toaster, Kirk.” Lorelai replied sarcastically as she worked the till. “It toasts toast.”

“Why is it three dollars?!”

“Because yours is three-fifty.” Lorelai was cool as a cucumber. Damien lounged in a lawn chair nearby with an ice-cold lemonade. He gleefully sipped from a red straw.

“Who’s your mole?” Kirk’s eyes frantically searched around the yard. They stopped on Damien. “You little…” He growled. 

Damien placed his drink on the soft grass and the words, "Bop it! Twist it! Pull it!," filled the air.

“You owe me a dollar!” He bellowed.

“Here.” Lorelai took one dollar out of the till and placed it in Kirk’s hand, then he proceeded to stomp away. 

“Mother is going to be so disappointed about the mess on the front lawn.”


End file.
